Pain

I have always had an interesting relationship with pain.

Whenever I am in an emotional distress, I inflict physical pain on myself.

I remember there was once I was in so much emotional pain, I asked my girlfriend to take a bamboo staff and hit me with it.

I do that when I was younger because I can deal with the physical but not the emotional.

I can take physical pain but not emotional.

I have intentionally cut myself, got myself beaten up intentionally just because I cant face it.

Even now, whenever I accidently hurt myself, I laugh.

Yup, I know, its weird.

I no longer intentionally hurt myself.

That’s where the problem lies.

How do I deal with emotional pain?

How do I handle it without the distraction of a physical pain?

Its even crazier when the emotional pain that I am facing is self inflicted.

I am nuts.

I know the pain will get worse before it gets better.

Now my chest is tightening so badly, it really hurts.

Feels like someone is stabbing me with a knife, and to think that this is just the beginning.

Hahahahahahahahahaha……..

Nope….. laughing doesn’t help.

So, I will grit my teeth, put on a smile, and handle it.

I know it will get better…..

I must believe it will get better…..

It must get better……

Please promise me it will get better……

I am on the edge, ready to jump, but there is no bungee cord.

God have mercy on my soul.