Eulogy For A Father

18th May 1934 – 25th July 2009

For those who know him, he was a very responsible man.

Some may say he is “kedekut” but on hind sight, one should know he was always practical.

He lived his life the way he wanted to live.

Frugal, simple and he is always happy.

He was proud that he doesn’t need to ask for a handout from his children.

He planned for his future to ensure he can take care of himself.

It was not easy when he broke down physically and had to depend on others.

He was a proud man.

A proudness that is shared by his children.

He was never arrogant, as he never trouble others.

Even in death, he left on a Saturday morning, knowing his funeral will be on a Sunday.

He left peacefully in his sleep, in his bed, in his home.

No leaves need to be taken.

It is ironic that the only kiss I have given him is on his forehead as he lies there lifeless.

Any regrets?

None.

We were never close as we had a lot of falling out.

The past few years, we did get closer, he did show more of his emotions, and we did spend more time together.

He will be missed.

He will always be loved.

My Love

Dedicated to my one and only

******************************

Your love is like that of angels
That chill in the kingdom above.
Your beauty is that of the sun set
That falls on the oceans horizon.
Your hair is that of silk
That is so soft to the touch.
Your eyes hold so much passion
Just like two doves flying together.
Your body moves with such grace
Just like an eagle high in the sky.
Your voice is so soothing
Just like the rain during a warm nights storm.
Your skin is oh so smooth
Just like the winds gentle breeze.
And your personality and body are made so perfect
Making me believe that you were made by God and his angels

******************************

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!

Pain

I have always had an interesting relationship with pain.

Whenever I am in an emotional distress, I inflict physical pain on myself.

I remember there was once I was in so much emotional pain, I asked my girlfriend to take a bamboo staff and hit me with it.

I do that when I was younger because I can deal with the physical but not the emotional.

I can take physical pain but not emotional.

I have intentionally cut myself, got myself beaten up intentionally just because I cant face it.

Even now, whenever I accidently hurt myself, I laugh.

Yup, I know, its weird.

I no longer intentionally hurt myself.

That’s where the problem lies.

How do I deal with emotional pain?

How do I handle it without the distraction of a physical pain?

Its even crazier when the emotional pain that I am facing is self inflicted.

I am nuts.

I know the pain will get worse before it gets better.

Now my chest is tightening so badly, it really hurts.

Feels like someone is stabbing me with a knife, and to think that this is just the beginning.

Hahahahahahahahahaha……..

Nope….. laughing doesn’t help.

So, I will grit my teeth, put on a smile, and handle it.

I know it will get better…..

I must believe it will get better…..

It must get better……

Please promise me it will get better……

I am on the edge, ready to jump, but there is no bungee cord.

God have mercy on my soul.

Geronimo!

One of the things I would love to do is to try bungee jumping.

I am told that the worse part is right before the jump.

As you are about to take the plunge, your chest tightens, you are short of breath, you get confused, you are excited but is also scared for your dear life.

Butterflies in your stomach is an understatement.

No, I am not doing a bungee jump, but I am on the edge.

My chest tightens, I am scared, very scared.

Hoping that I might be excited, but no, just plain scared with very bad chest pains.

How long will I be on the edge?

Will I take the plunge or will I step away?

I don’t know.

Its not in my hands.

Why am I going thru it?

Because I am in love.

When one is in love, one do stupid things.

And I am very much, madly deeply in love.

Bulldog Cafe

Yup, its called Bulldog Café.

The ambiance is beautiful.

There is an air well right over a koi pond.

Here is a pic taken from my table at the back of the café.



The wall behind me is decorated with antiques.

You can see a type writer, a sewing machine, fan and telephone.



Even the cashier area is cool with an air of oldness

Btw, that’s an old bicycle hanging from the roof.



The menu is a good mixture of east meets west.

There are steaks, lamb chops, Japanese dishes, local nyonya food and finger foods.

They even have onion rings.

Nice……..

Its like a 5 minutes walk from Bayview Hotel, Melaka.

Exit the hotel main entrance, turn left walks to wards Orchid Hotel, and the café is on the opposite side of the road.

What Is Right?

*sigh*

To save or not to save, that is the question.

My dad is dying.

He is on his death bed.

He has liver cancer.

Doctors say maximum 3 months, possibly sooner.

His condition is getting worse.

When Papa was diagnosed with the same problem, I did everything I could, using all my knowledge of health food to help him.

Though he was pronounced cancer free, he went due to a bleeding ulcer.

It was his time, nothing could have stopped him.

Now I am facing with the dilemma of my dad.

Should I just stand by and watch him go or should I put my family through the whole torturous process of trying to save him.

I know, we should always try, nothing is written in stone…. But what if in the process a lot of people gets hurt.

Is it justifiable to hurt a bunch of us just to save one life?

If I am sure he can be saved, it is not an issue, but life and death is in the hands of the all-Mighty.

Should I just let the whole family start the mourning process?

I believe in the saying, Don’t die before you are dead, and, Don’t make the mistake of treating the dying as dead.

Easier said than done.

I realised it was very hard for me to look at my dad in the hospital, but I also realised it was harder to look at my family members.

I avoided them like the plague.

Still, the main question, should I just stand by?

Should I try?

Everyone who knows about my issue knows that I am drowning myself in my work.

Drowning myself in social activities.

Some say I am in denial.

Maybe I am.

I don’t like feeling helpless.

I don’t like looking at my dad and knowing that he is in a lot of pain.

Doing what is right is not easy when you have no idea what is right.

Bangkok!

Bangkok, love it!

Upon arriving in Bangkok, the guide tried to make money off us by taking us to the tourist traps, the first being an over priced restaurant that the food isn’t very good.

Not gonna dwell into that.

Too many great things happened that over shadowed that bad beginning.

I’ll let some of the pics do the talking.

In the van, on the way to the hotel.



In the tuk tuk.

It’s a speeding death trap but I love the adrenalin rush!



Tired and exhausted.

Just resting in the Cahtuchak market.

Its freakingly hot!



Ah, I’ll let the your imagination run wild with this one.

*wink wink*



Waiting for my tuk tuk.



Riding at night in a tuk tuk is even scarier.



My new shades.

Goggles style, Vin Diesel eat your heart out.



New rings.

4 actually.

LOL

My hands are complete.



Smoking at the MBK center.

Everywhere else is non smoking.

Bangkok is a nightmare for smokers.



My new T Shirt.

Hehehe…..



Walking alone in the Bangkok airport waiting for my ride home.



I’ll definitely come back, so much to see and do.

Bangkok, I’ll see you in April next year.

Interesting Week

It was an interesting week that is about to get more interesting.

Started the week by going on a roadtrip from Tawau to Lahad Datu.

The trip took about 2 hours but it was hardly felt as the scenary was breath taking.

Lahad Datu is soooo boring.

Spent about 3 days there.

H and I went crappy joint jumping.

Hahahahahaha.....

You heard me right, we went from one crappy joint to another to see how many we can hit.

After the third one, we had enough of dark, foul smelling places to last us a life time.

Drove back to KK and did some real work.

Back home now, waiting for my baby coz we will be going to Bangkok in a couple of hours.

Gonna end the week in Thailand.

Woohoooo......

Btw, just confirmed that my dad has liver cancer and has only 3 months to live.

Mortality

Not mine, I don’t fear death.

If I die, those that are left behind suffers, I am just….. dead.

Yes, its morbid, but we all have to face it one day.

Last weekend was not a very good weekend for me.

My mom called me on Friday to say that Dad was in a bad way.

I told her that I will be back on Sunday.

Yana nearly took my head off when I told her that.

She insisted that I go back on Saturday.

Friday night we went clubbing… hahahahaha

Weird eh?

My dad is very sick and I am planning to go back two days later with no specific plans in mind but clubbing on Friday night.

*sigh*

That’s me.

I don’t handle sick, weak, sad or death well.

I trivialise it.

I don’t make it a priority.

When Yana made me prioritise it, it hit me hard.

Though I don’t have a good relationship with my dad, but our relationship has improved a lot.

I do love him very much but ….


I…..



Don’t…..



Handle……



Death……



Well…..



At least, the funeral would be fun.

We three brothers suck in awkward or sad moments.

We make inappropriate jokes in times like these.

Something like Chandler in Friends?

So imagine a funeral with the three sons of the deceased cracking jokes all the time. LOL

When confronted with moments like these we trivialise it.

I don’t even realise it until I reflected on how I reacted to the news and how all my brothers are in funerals, confronted with an emotional child, a crying person, a sickly person in a hospital bed.

In other words, we are a hoot.

No wonder we are so popular.

Hahahahaha…..

Btw, my dad is fine.

I did feel awkward when I first saw him, he was all skin and bones.

I helped my brother send him to Ampang Puteri and after getting his double bags of glucose drip he was back to his non stop nonsensical bore me to death talks.

Love you dad.

Don’t scare me again like that.

Losing Weight

Yes, I am giving a health talk. Losing weight 101!

Everybody is obsesssed with losing weight.

The correct term should be GET HEALTHY! (LOL.... this coming from a chain smoker who doesnt exercise or eat right)

Isnt losing weight the same as getting healthy?

A big fat NO!

Here is a fast way to lose weight real quick.

Ask your friend to drive over your legs.

With your legs crushed, it will be sure to be amputated.

Now you weight less with no legs to weight you down.

Thats right boys and gals, losing weight isnt all that.

Majority of people trying to lose weight is actually losing their water and muscle weight while maintaining their fats.

Loss of muscle means lower metabolic rate.

Once you are no longer trying to lose weight, you put on more weight coz you have less muscles to burn off your normal intake of fats.

You need to burn fats.

You need to lose the inches, not lose weight.

Only way to lose the fats is to burn it off (of course you can do surgery but thats a whole new topic that I can rant about)

You need to raise your metabolic rate.

Meaning you need to pump that heart.

EXERCISE AND WATCH WHAT YOU ARE EATING!

Ever wonder why you are sleepy during the fasting month?

Its coz your metabolic rate goes below normal and your body is trying to shut down.

Go on a crash diet and I will bet my last dollar that you will gain back twice the weight, that is if the shock to your body doesnt kill you first.

Hey, you wanna look hot, nothing is hotter than a healthy looking individual.

You want skinny, go look at Ethiopians. UNHEALTHY SKINNY!

Notice that the supermodels all look hot.... COZ THEY ARE HEALTHY!

Notice that some of the supermodels are curvy?

Tyra Banks is plump now and OMG.... she is still smoking HOT!

Again... healthy is hot.

If you have the money, and you want fast, slimming centres are the next best thing besides exercise. (Of course make sure you go to ones that are reputable)

Get healthy, watch what you eat, work that heart.

Now thats hot.

*wink*

Indecent proposal?

Alternative lifestyle?

Am I out of my freaking mind?

All of the above? LOL

Who is to say what is right or wrong.

What is acceptable in one culture may be a taboo in another.

Why did I do what I did?

The answer simply lies in faith.

Faith is a funny thing, it makes people commit suicide, hijack planes and even do self mutilation.

I believe in trust, respect, full frontal in your face honesty and of course faith.

Remember the bird in the cage?

Well, I am setting it free.