Its Here Again

Its that time of year.

Hello June.

June used to be such a special month for me……

Now it only brings sadness.

Its not easy seeing another year has passed, and knowing that so much has happened with me not being there.

It’s a burden that I cannot share with anyone.

I still show my jovial side, for my sadness is mine alone.

I ask not for understanding but solitude.

Allow me to bear the sins of my past.

Of course I might over compensate with sillier jokes, more perverse than usual, working longer hours, a lot more crazier and just downright not serious in matters of the heart.

That’s how I handle my misery.

Open up?

Whats the point?

Talking about it doesn’t make me feel better, only makes me see how pointless or useless the situation I am in.

I am not in the mood to feel inadequate.

I am not in the mood to satisfy your need to mother me.

I am not in the mood to quench your thirst for sharing.

I am who I am.

If it were to fester in me and kills me slowly, so be it.

I need to be uplifted.

I want to be entertained.

I just want to get by June with the minimal of damage.

It hurts whenever I think about it.

I just want to move on, but June will never allow me that.

It’s a grim reminder of what could have been.

A reminder that I made my bed and now I must sleep in it.

No regrets, just mind numbing pain.

And I handle pain by laughing.

When I stop laughing the pain begins.

I need to laugh, I must laugh.

June is 30 days of laughter for me.

Hahahahahahaahahahahahaha……..